Words Matter: Supporting Students and Families Through Understanding and Respect

Recent public comments in our community about special education have sparked important conversations about students with disabilities and the families who advocate for them. Although the comments have since been retracted, their impact reminds us that words matter, especially when they reinforce misconceptions about students receiving special education services and their families.

At The Arc Upper Valley, we believe this is an opportunity to move the conversation forward through education, listening, empathy, and compassion.

Recognizing the Dedication of Parents and Caregivers

There is a misconception that having a child receive special education services somehow makes parenting easier or relieves parents of their responsibilities. Nothing could be further from the truth. For many families, supporting a child with a disability involves challenges, responsibilities, and decisions that others may never see.

It may mean countless hours attending school meetings, navigating evaluations and eligibility processes, researching educational rights, and advocating for appropriate instruction, accommodations, and services. It may mean balancing employment and everyday family responsibilities while coordinating supports, helping a child navigate learning, communication challenges, emotional regulation, and worrying about whether their child is safe, included, and understood. It also means celebrating accomplishments, encouraging independence, and supporting their child's hopes and dreams.

Some parents spend years trying to understand why their child is struggling in school. Others must continually explain their child's needs to people who may not fully understand them. All of this happens alongside the everyday joys and responsibilities of parenting.

Families are not looking for shortcuts. They are looking for opportunities for their children to learn, grow, belong, and succeed. Special education is not a shortcut or a reflection of a parent's commitment. It is a system of individualized instruction, supports, and services designed to ensure eligible students with disabilities receive a free appropriate public education.

You should never have to defend your commitment as a parent simply because your child has a disability or receives special education services. Your efforts matter, your experiences deserve to be heard, and your children deserve meaningful opportunities to learn, grow, and belong. At The Arc Upper Valley, we remain committed to standing beside you and advocating for the rights of people with disabilities.

Behind Every Statistic Is a Student

When we discuss the percentage of students receiving special education services, we must remember that we are talking about children, not simply numbers on a spreadsheet. Each student has unique strengths, abilities, challenges, and educational needs. Some require significant support throughout the school day, while others need targeted instruction and related services to access their education.

Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), schools must follow established evaluation and eligibility procedures to determine whether a student qualifies for special education and related services. Eligibility considers whether a student meets the criteria for a disability category and, because of that disability, needs special education and related services. This educational determination is different from a medical diagnosis, which alone does not automatically establish eligibility. Decisions are made by a team and must be based on appropriate evaluations and individual educational needs, not a school's financial interests or a parent's preference.

We can and should have thoughtful conversations about school funding, accountability, educational outcomes, and how public resources are used. However, those discussions must be grounded in accurate information rather than assumptions about children with disabilities or their families. The number of students receiving services should not automatically be viewed as a problem. What matters is whether students are receiving appropriate supports, whether their needs are being met, and whether they have meaningful opportunities to learn alongside their peers.

Effective Advocacy Begins with Listening

We welcome community members and leaders who want to learn more about disability issues and become advocates for children and families. But effective advocacy requires more than good intentions or simply saying we support people with disabilities. It requires humility, accurate information, empathy, compassion, and a willingness to challenge our own assumptions.

Effective advocacy is not about speaking for people when they can speak for themselves. It is about listening to their experiences, respecting their perspectives, amplifying their voices when invited, and working alongside them to create meaningful change.

Becoming an effective advocate begins with listening to people with disabilities and their families without immediately offering opinions or solutions. It means asking questions rather than making assumptions, seeking accurate information, and recognizing that lived experiences matter. We do not need to have experienced someone's challenges to acknowledge them with compassion. Rather than saying, "I understand," when we may not, we can say, "I haven't experienced what you're going through, but I want to listen and learn."

Words carry weight, particularly when they come from people in positions of leadership or influence. Even when harm is unintentional, acknowledging its impact matters. A sincere apology can be a meaningful first step, but effective advocacy also requires correcting misinformation, continued learning, and demonstrating respect through our actions.

We don't have to agree on every policy, funding decision, or educational approach to treat one another with dignity and respect. At The Arc Upper Valley, we believe our community is stronger when we listen before we judge, learn before we speak, and work together to ensure every child and every family is valued.

Always remember that disability rights are human rights.